Fly

Dare to fly.

I just found out a random interesting fact. The biosphere the have in Arizona (?). Initially the trees were dropping their fruit almost as soon as they started producing. The branches were breaking, not able to sustain the weight of the fruit. They did research and found that in the dome, there was no wind. Nothing to push the branches and build strength enough for them to be able to sustain the weight of the fruit.

So maybe when you are in a situation or meet someone that is pushing you or that you disagree with, maybe it is meant to build strength in you or maybe you are meant to build strength in them.

Mom's are that way sometimes as well. Although they may nudge or push at us, would we be as strong without them.

To all those celebrating mother's day, Happy thoughts. To those for whom mother's day is not a celebration, may the love around you embrace you.

Circular arguements

It is discouraging the amount of red tape there is in education. The bad apple syndrome is in full effect. Because so many people have taken advantage of situations in momentous ways, those of us who are striving to better ourselves, encourage our students and go above and beyond the job are met with resistance.
I want to stay where I am (middle school) and help a colleague (high school) while they are achieving higher education. We've come up with a plan that will meet all the administrators needs and even enrich our student's education with team teaching, yet the fear of "opening the door" to others who might take advantage of a similar situation has become a wall in our way. Please send positive thoughts that will allow our admin to have faith in us and our ability to accomplish what we have set as our goals.
I am getting discouraged, not in my children and the amount of effort and encouragement they need at times, but with all the other baggage that comes with teaching. It is beginning to squash my passion and desire to keep trying to make a difference.

Humility

This week for me has been a lesson in humility. Just when I'm feeling confident in my job & very self-assured about what I am doing and how I am doing it... *smack*... huge mistake that was totally a lack of humility. Thinking that I had already done something and not bothering to double check. 

I have always wondered if I could "have a life" and still be good at my job. Well, in my quest to "have a life", I dropped the ball in my job. This, however, has not detoured me from having interests outside of my job, I just see the fulcrum now, i guess. I see where being very organized (not necessarily neat, cause that'll take a while) will help me keep that balance and leave things at school so I can have a life outside off school/work. 

So now with a more humble approach, I set off to make the rest of this school year excellent, all 5 weeks of it. Trying to keep my mouth shut, my eyes & ears more open, with this goal in mind head into an insanely busy summer that if it works out well, should be fun, exhausting and educational.

stressed

I do not remember feeling this stressed ever. My choir competition is this week and my top choir seems apathetic. They were fine last week, energized & focused. How do you fix apathy? I am pretty bubbly, encouraging, and upbeat, others have called me charasmatic. But what do you do with people who work really hard and then quit 2 feet before the finish line? AHHHHH!

I don't understand this mentality. And on top of this my accompanist has me worried - which is never good. She says she'll be fine, but having the music for a month and it sounds like that...

I am praying for a miracle. If they do what I know they are capable of, we will be awesome...
Maybe it's not a miracle I'm really praying for, maybe it's divine intervention in their lives to give them hope and aspirations and take away the fear of failure.

Send good thought my way.

This is just to say

I was listening to the last podcast of "This American Life". The theme that week was people apologizing without really apologizing. I've experienced my share of that as a teacher as I am sure most parents have experience with their own children. I've even reverted to questioning the apology given - stating that if they were really sorry for their behavior, they would change their negative or inappropriate behavior. I digress...

They ended the episode sharing some poetry based off the William Carlos Williams poem, "This is Just to Say" (http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15535)

There were 2 that struck me specifically.

 

One was by Andrew Vechionie, "Sorry, but it was beautiful"

Sorry I took your money and burned it,

But it looked like the world falling apart when it crackled and burned.

So, I think it was worth it,

After all, you can't see the world fall apart everyday.

The other was by Shalome Oushlander

He was a trouble maker, okay?

And didn't know when to shut up.

Still, we wouldn't have killed him had we known he was the Lord.

Rainy day growing

It has been raining & storming for 2 days, which is unusual for this part of Texas. I love days like these - staying inside reading or walking around outside during the breaks and soaking in the moisture. For some reason, it makes me feel peaceful inside. And my garden really loves it.

It's amazing a the difference a week makes. Last week, I wasn't so sure things were going to survive. After checking on them today - most have doubled in size and produced flowers. I am very hopeful. There are some that don't look like they are doing well, but I'm trying to grow some plants that I have never tried before. So it's kind of trial and error.

However, my roses are doing well. I gave 4 to colleagues at school and was asked what kind of rose it was. I have no idea. Any thoughts would be helpful.

From cooking to friendships, who knows...

Got the thoughts under control - went for a long walk with my dogs.

So a little more history...

I love to cook - especially for others. However, I haven't always been good at it and after a friend asked
"Did your mother do all the cooking growing up?"
"No, why?"
"Well, you have to try really hard at this don't you?"

Well, needless to say, I gave up cooking for a year. So I did my research, started paying attention to cooking shows, and reamerged a better cook. In addition, I have planted a large garden this year (my 3rd year in a row)and alas, nothing is ready except the herbs. I was inspired to go meatless for dinner as a health experiment and see what happens if I cut meat out of one meal a day. I'm definately not able to make vegetarian, but committed to try to consume less. Made a combo of penne pasta, peas, carrots, olive oil (of which I am becoming a snob about), and fresh herbs from my garden (basil, oregeno, & lemon thyme). I truly enjoy cooking for myself and at times find it very relaxing. I even have certain movies that I watch when I'm undertaking a true meal (chocolate, como agua para chocolate) But the process of making the meal got me thinking that I miss an old ritual that some college buddies and I began randomly.

It started just getting together and watching a movie or playing a game to save money on going out. It turned into "dinner & a movie" night that we rotated once a month (or so depending on schedules). At first the dinners were simple, but soon turned into themes - So I Married an Ax Murderer = shephards pie & fairy cakes & whiskey; Godfather = lasagna, breadsticks, wine & canoli & expresso; etc. Unfortunately since, we have moved away and are "too" far away for such monthly rituals.

I would like to start that again with my newer friends, but it seems harder to make those connections as you get older. You develop work friends or colleagues, but never take that next step to get to know each other on a more intimate level. It seemed so much easier as a child - or maybe that's just wishful thinking. Or maybe it's because we act differently at work than we really are. We are afraid to leave ourselves open to others fearing rejection, condemnation, or riducule.

I'm just tired of being unsure and apprehensive so I am just placing my friendship and invitations out there. If it gets accepted, GREAT, if not, what do I have to lose? I'll still have a fabulous dinner, even if I have to share it with my dogs.